Since nightlife is an integral part of Los Angeles culture, you will sooner or later find yourself confronted with the question:
“Whatever shall I order to drink?”
Because potential suitors will be analyzing your behavior to determine your appropriate rung on the social totem pole, you must heed the following guidelines when visiting your watering hole of choice.
1. Mixed Drinks: The Los Angeles attitude can be neatly summed up by the phrase, “Looking like you’re not trying.” If you’re apt to order a drink because of its cool name, you must step up your nonchalant game or leave this city. When in Los Angeles (in fact, these titles are acceptable only in Las Vegas), do NOT order any of the following: Adios Motherfucker, Surfer on Acid, Screaming Orgasm. Laaaaame.
2. Ladies: Ordering a manly drink will intimidate the average Angeleno guy, who is in fact a girl. Nothing whisky based, no dark beers.
3. Liqueurs: Do not order anything containing liqueurs. This city doesn’t care how thin you already are; you can’t afford the calories.
4. Beer: If you are a certifiable Hipster, you may order a Pabst Blue Ribbon. If not, order the Corona+Lime. Why, you ask? It is common knowledge that PBR is the official beer of Hipsters. It is also common knowledge that PBR is just plain nasty. Therefore, the only logical reason to subject one’s palate to this particular crappy beer is the aspiration to Hipsterdom. If you’re not sure whether you qualify for PBR eligibility, don’t be a poser – order the Corona+Lime.
“Whatever shall I order to drink?”
Because potential suitors will be analyzing your behavior to determine your appropriate rung on the social totem pole, you must heed the following guidelines when visiting your watering hole of choice.
1. Mixed Drinks: The Los Angeles attitude can be neatly summed up by the phrase, “Looking like you’re not trying.” If you’re apt to order a drink because of its cool name, you must step up your nonchalant game or leave this city. When in Los Angeles (in fact, these titles are acceptable only in Las Vegas), do NOT order any of the following: Adios Motherfucker, Surfer on Acid, Screaming Orgasm. Laaaaame.
2. Ladies: Ordering a manly drink will intimidate the average Angeleno guy, who is in fact a girl. Nothing whisky based, no dark beers.
3. Liqueurs: Do not order anything containing liqueurs. This city doesn’t care how thin you already are; you can’t afford the calories.
4. Beer: If you are a certifiable Hipster, you may order a Pabst Blue Ribbon. If not, order the Corona+Lime. Why, you ask? It is common knowledge that PBR is the official beer of Hipsters. It is also common knowledge that PBR is just plain nasty. Therefore, the only logical reason to subject one’s palate to this particular crappy beer is the aspiration to Hipsterdom. If you’re not sure whether you qualify for PBR eligibility, don’t be a poser – order the Corona+Lime.
What about non-alcoholic juice?
ReplyDelete:-)